Monday, January 08, 2007


You may have heard of the South Asian Durian fruit, and been tempted to sample the yellow flesh beneath it's spiky armored exterior. Considering yourself a food connoisseur, you thought, 'I can look past it's repugnant smell, and sample the exotic custardy goodness inside.' Well, sirs and madams, you would be wrong, wrong, WRONG to think such a thing. Durian must be avoided at all costs.

Mr. Smooth & I had an unfortunate encounter with this thorny beast while visiting the Eden Center. Thinking ourselves gastronauts, and he determined to like bubble tea, we marched into a Vietnamese bakery, and ordered a durian bubble tea. We'd heard it was good - we were so wrong.

One sip left confusion and distaste. A second sip reinforced the belief and brought to light a custard + rotten onion flavor. Plus the large black tapioca bubbles. A third sip had me chasing Mr Smooth with the cup into the parking lot. 'Oh god! Get it away from me!' 'It was your idea!!' he retorted. Touché.

It stunk up the car all the way to the grocery store. I threw it out in the parking lot, but that only disturbed the smell. Burps in the horrendous Sunday check-out line only brought the horrorible flavor back. Later, we had hallucinations of the smell and flavor. God save us.

Clearly, we are not the only one to be aghast by this. Novelist Anthony Burgess said dining on durian is like eating vanilla custard in a latrine. It's known as the world's most dangerous fruit for a reason. STAY AWAY FROM DURIAN!!

1 comment:

Captive Prisoner said...

ahve run intae durian many times at asian markets and also parts of australia. many a time was ah curious, but nawt willing to buy such a fruit. thank you fer yer warning.

on a side note, ah just don't understand why anyone would evah ruin such a great idea as delicious fruity milky tea with big balls of gross tapioca that sits in yer stomach like a lead ship. if ah want a drink to fill me up, ahll have a guiness dammit!