Friday, April 27, 2007
The Scandinavians have done it AGAIN! Kiss and Bajs are the perfect gift for a toddler or (according to their website) the hard-to-please adult! (isn't that most of us here on the bg?)
In case these photos aren't obvious enough, these are dolls that have been designed to signify the two greatest things in the world: Healthy bowel movements. Check out more fun stuff here!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
The non dogma version is this: basically this proposal is a ludicrous attempt to appease the only set of home voters who vote (homeowners) and will pass because my people don’t. Step it up my people, if this passes (and some version will because nobody on the council will ever get another vote from a homeowner if it doesn’t) you will end up with bars that can be closed by the city council for littering, the city council can veto the promotion of hip hop shows (specifically), requires bartenders and owners to do the job of police, and doesn’t increase funding for anything involving liquor control or law enforcement. The SPD and the liquor control board are against this because it adds more laws to their job they already publicly say they can’t enforce. And while it hurts existing business in more ways than I can list, it does nothing to prevent (zoning restrictions) new bars and restaurants opening where ever they damn well please. They Mayor is doing a big dance and waving his hands to try to show you that he is working, whereas in reality, he is a big fat tool.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
I'm watching too many documentaries in my real life, so in an alternate universe, i went to see GRINDHOUSE (& then i dreamt about car chases for two days). here's my review. get ready.
step one, bored saturday night.
step 2. nutella crepes.
step 3. copious, um, beers.
step4: sneak in the theater, hold the door!
step5: endless ads.
step6: endless trailers. appealing: HOT FUZZ (from SHAUN OF THE DEAD guys, about cops.). also LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD. yes! I was just thinking American needed another DIE HARD! (see #3)
horrible: John Cusack is grieving his dead daughter (too old to lust after unattainable women) and a ghost hunter. Sam Jackson is a saucy hotel manager with a 1970s haircut begging him not to stay in the the. most. haunted. room. ever. Dunh-DUNH! it'd be better in Japanese....
alert to Cuasck - 20-something girls will stop loving you all together if you don't stop making crap movies. you've got once more chance.
Step 7: MORE TRAILERS! only this time it looks like faux effed up film, dust, scratches and all. suddenly i am no longer in the georgetown lowes, but the Willow Lawn Mall theater, circa 1973. the floor is SO sticky. Action fans are all around me. MACHETE! - someone fucked the wrong mexican. i hear Rodriguez's making it a feature - i don't know whether i'm excited or horrified.
Step 8: oh. damn. Rose McGowan wearing gold tube-bead hip fringe, somehow not unlike Wonder Woman, is go-go dancing in front of me. she is hot and her makeup is on fire! can i do my eyes like that? why is she so foxy?
Then, PLANET TERROR has the grossest zombies i've ever seen. they are bubbling! they are still alive & turning into zombies! damn government & their radioactive war experiments gone horribly awry! Freddy Rodriguez does his best impression of Twin Peak's James, McGowan's Cherry Darling is a feminist analysis for another day, & naughty-nurse Marley Shelton is a dead ringer for this chick >
step 9: more trailers! including Nick Cage as a chinese stereotype - Fu Manchu! best role to date. good work sir.
10: tarantino has a film in this duo, but you probably could leave before it comes on & save yourself an hour. we, sadly, didn't take this advice and watched the full hour of DEATH PROOF. it dwindles almost into nothingness, clear that Tarantino has no idea what women actually talk about, or, more precisely, how they talk. the film's only credit is the indestructable Zoe Bell who stars riding on the hood of a speeding white muscle car. essentially, this movie is one long conversation leading into an excuse to do this stunt - The Ship's Mast. don't waste your time seeing the movie, she rides on the hood of the car. don't try this stunt. apparently, if you do, a crazed stunt man will chase you off the road, and then you have to beat him to death. tarantino says this is a 'women's revenge film' but, as far as brutal revenge goes, i've seen better.
Speaking of doing better - fan girls sitting with tarantino in death proof - you, too can do better. DTMFA.
So yea. Lucky for you, i hear that Weinstein Company, after a dismal opening weekend for GRINDHOUSE, is going to snip the boys in half, and hopefully tarantino's half will whither and die and stop trying to harsh rodriguez's buzz.